Burn Out Leads to Emotion

I needed a little break after writing Games of 2017. It was a lot of work putting the post together. I didn’t mean to take a break for month. However, I am feeling a little burned-out.

I started writing blog posts when I was fifteen; I was in 9th grade. In 2003, Myspace was gaining traction, but everyone I knew had a blog. I had a Blogger blog. When I first started, I posted almost everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. In 2003, I posted five blog posts; first post was on December 29th. In 2004, I posted a whopping 255 blog posts! Looking back at those numbers, I can’t believe it. In 2005, I only posted 69 times. However, in October, I launched my website, Royfuss, as a supplement to my blog. By 2006, I was down to just 25 posts on the old blog. In 2007 I posted 22 posts, with my last post about the end of my first semester of college. I don’t have statistics for the old Royfuss website (mainly because I’m too lazy to manually count them), but I imagine the numbers are similar, so I was probably pushing around 50 or so posts a year. I would continue to use Royfuss as my blog from 2008 to 2010. Although I posted somewhat consistently, I did not hit anywhere close to 50 posts a year. 2011 saw the launch of my website Your Personal Gamer. It was a blog just for video games. I posted a few posts, but not many. In 2012, I relaunched Royfuss in a WordPress site, and merged Your Personal Gamer into it. Royfuss then became my primary, and only, blog. Old Royfuss posts were archived here. Not much has changed since then. Posts became less and less frequent. That brings up to present, where I make excuses for the n-teenth time about not blogging, and comment about how long it has been.

It’s weird going back to my early blog posts. 9th graders were still in the middle school when I was fifteen. Some 9th graders could drive, but most of us didn’t. I lived far enough away from the middle school that my older brother gave me a ride home everyday. After school, I would write blog posts. Recently, I read through some of them. They are awful. Most of them are a jumbled mess. I would not have considered myself “random” back then, but those blog posts are all over the damn place.

The old posts are cringe worthy to go back and read, but they are also my life. I can tell you who I had for 9th grade English, my first day of high school, when I started my job at Target, and what I felt when I graduated from high school and moved on to college. When looking back, how I felt is important to me now. I can tell you how I felt when my cousin was killed by a drunk driver. I can tell you how I felt when I heard my best friend’s brother was killed in Afghanistan.

Over time, I became less random. I became better at finding a topic to write about, and sticking to it. I started editing my posts before hitting that “Publish” button. Although I’m not a great writer, I feel I am a better one. However, for years my posts have been missing emotion; my feelings. Hopefully, my first couple of posts from this year made up for some of the missing emotion.

Today, I was feeling burnt; I lost my steam. I have finished over six video games in two month. I’m so burned-out that I can’t even list them right now. I am also just plain burned-out in general. I feel like I need to be doing more, but I just feel burned-out. I started writing this blog post about one thing, and just couldn’t. It didn’t feel right. So, instead you get me reminiscing, and talking about how my blog needs more emotion. This feels right.

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